As you decline into the chaos of alcoholism and addiction, many, if not all of the structures that you have worked hard to build, progressively fall away. In the haze and confusion of the unmanageability brought on by your drinking and drug binges, you can compromise everything that you once valued, including your family, friends and career, without even knowing that you’re doing it.
While the speed of the decline into alcoholism and each person’s circumstances may be different, the stories told by alcoholics and addicts in recovery nearly always have one thing in common: most alcoholics and addicts refuse to believe that they cannot control their drinking or drug use no matter how glaringly obvious the evidence may appear.
In your darker moments when you’re engulfed by loneliness the thought of stopping may enter your mind. It could be an incident or a particularly bad night that jolts you into a state of regret or remorse and you briefly entertain the idea of contacting an organisation that offers alcohol support services – you may even do so on more than one occasion – but that fleeting thought you have about recovery from alcoholism or addiction is quickly pushed aside by the ease and comfort that comes from taking another drink or drug. Without any genuine resistance the nightmare begins all over again. Once the alcoholic or addict commences on a spree there is no way of knowing when or where it will end.
In the case of a recovery friend who we’ll call Tim, everything was pretty exciting when he moved from the family home into a shared house with some mates and started working in the industry that he’d always dreamed about.
“I felt invincible. I walked into the first job I interviewed for and it was a tough and competitive industry to work in. Even then, at that early stage I thought that my future was assured,” said Tim.
Tim was creative, imaginative and talented. With youth on his side, it was time to enjoy his life and build a career. He was so inspired by his work that it didn’t matter if he’d had a late night drinking with his friends. Aside from sleeping through the alarm on occasions, he’d front up the next day and his work didn’t suffer – or so he thought.
“We all drank a lot so I didn’t feel that there was anything different about the way I drank although I do remember a colleague – an older guy, someone from middle management – pulling me aside one Monday morning when I was pretty hungover and giving me some friendly advice about my drinking. He said he’d seen me at Friday night drinks and while I didn’t do anything too concerning, the pleasure I got from drinking was pretty obvious and that I needed to be careful,” Tim said.
Tim dismissed the advice. He and his peers all agreed that the guy who spoke to him was a wowser – a real bore. He decided the best course of action was to give the guy a wide berth. If he happened to see him again at work functions he’d sit away from him and out of his eyeline.
“Looking back at it and the effort I put in to avoid that guy, what he said must have made an impact – I must have thought there was some truth to it otherwise why would I go to so much effort to avoid him?” said Tim.
The first time Tim was formally reprimanded for a concerning incident at a work function it was forgiven and forgotten because it was considered an aberration and unlikely to be repeated.
“That was nothing really. If there weren’t any clients at the function nothing would have been said. Things soon settled down and everyone seemed happy with my work. I decided I could keep having fun at functions but I wouldn’t get too carried away – that was how I dealt with that,” said Tim.
Even though the incident passed, the cracks were starting to appear. He’d fallen out with his house mates over money and moved into a small bedsit or studio on his own. The unshakeable confidence and certainty that Tim had about his future began to dissipate. He was struggling with bouts of guilt, fear and depression. He was falling asleep earlier because he was drinking much more and often on his own. He started waking up in the middle of the night so occasionally he’d have a drink to help him get back to sleep until his alarm went off.